21 Signs You’re a Kansas City Hipster

1. Your favorite bottoms are the West Bottoms — until Halloween, when your sacred space is infiltrated by tweens going to The Beast.

West Bottoms, Kansas City

 

2. You only shower with Basement Soap you got at Normal Human.

Basement_Soap

 

3. You get all your groceries from the Westport Farmers Market because anything else would be sub-par. No one wants wilted cilantro in their bahn mi, obviously.

farmers-mkt

 

4. You have your own pour-over set up at home and refuse to drink coffee brewed any other way.

RHP Coffee

 

5. Your favorite band is the opening act at Grinders, rather than the headliner at Sprint Center.

grinders

 

6. Cuffing your Baldwin jeans is part of your morning routine, in between fluffing your beard and waxing your ‘stache.

cuffed jeans

 

7. Ever listen to the radio? Not unless it’s The Bridge 90.9.

90.9 bridge

 

8. You avoid First Fridays. Or, as you and your friends call it, “Amateur Hour.”

crossroads

 

9. The stench of Starbucks makes you vomit. They totally over-roast their poor coffee beans. #OddlyCorrect4Life

oddly correct

 

10. You inwardly cringe every time someone orders a mocha at Oddly Correct.

oddly crowd

 

11. Instead of getting a haircut from a stylist at Great Clips, you get your hair groomed by an artist at Chop Tops.

chop top

 

12. You see no point to going South of 43rd Street. There’s nothing in the suburbs to pique your interest.

 

13. But really, you’d rather not leave the River Market.

river market

 

14. You ask your waitress at The Farmhouse how their meat was raised.

the farmhouse

 

15. Your contribution to the breakfast conversation is about the fallacies in Hemmingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” which you read cover to cover in one afternoon at Rainy Day Books.

rainy day books

 

16. Everyone’s brewing beer now, so you’ve moved on to making your own cocktail bitters.

cocktail bitters

 

17. Your favorite band to see at The Westport Saloon “doesn’t believe in playing traditional instruments.”

westport saloon

 

18. You don’t have an art degree but have a strong opinion on the Neoclassicism at the Nelson.

nelson

 

19. Your urban garden near the River Market “only started with tomatoes and parsley, but kind of just expanded from there, you know?”

river market

 

20. You say things like, “It’s the only place in KC that makes real drinks.”

moscow mule

 

21. Your ideal date night is attending a quote-along screening of The Big Lebowski at Alamo Drafthouse.

alamo-drafthouse

 

 

(22., the self-serving bonus round placed here to make management happy: you bank at a credit union, because why should your money go to shareholders instead of your own pocket?)

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mazuma

Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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21 Comments

  1. Grinders is underground? Rainy Day Books and The Nelson are both south of 43rd. That is not a picture of The Alamo Drafthouse in Kansas City.

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      • Beautiful, mellisa. Not one of the hipsters we all know and love, but truly proud anyway.

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    • Real hipsters get produce from the bad seed & I only use ZUM soap.

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    • Petty arguments.

      Post a Reply
  2. mazuma

    Eh, we somehow managed to forget Rieger Whiskey and any kind of mention of Quay Coffee, so we can’t claim this list is definitive. Feel free to keep nitpicking or adding other suggestions!

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  3. Westport has a farmers market? I don’t think so. See #3. Get your hipster facts straight.

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    • mazuma

      Totally missed that it closed in 2014. That one is on us. The Bad Seed is probably more accurate anyway.

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  4. Waisting time…..is pretty much this whole list.

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  5. who else but the bad seed has like 10 different kinds of garlic. their spanish roja garlic is an opium den for my tastebuds. is this list really what hipsters do? buy local? lol

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  6. So I was on the fence about which credit union in KC that I was going to open an account at, but this post just tipped the scales to Mazuma.

    Love,
    Your soon to be new account holder

    Post a Reply
  7. This is so freaking stupid…. whoever wrote this seems like a total a-hole! I mean yea there are places / things on here that I like too but get over yourself

    Post a Reply
  8. Angry Hipsters are Hilarious!

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    • I agree, Big-E: Angry hipsters are hilarious! They aren’t threatening when they are angry though. It’s like watching a midget get upset. You have to just say, “There, there, little fella. It’s ok”. I know two Kansas City hipsters and am always in awe of how sissy they are. While other people are making a living they are worried about their hair, coffee, and type of jeans. But this is not a strictly Kansas City phenomenon. I fled California to get away from this tomfoolery. Fake people and things that don’t matter…yuck.

      Post a Reply
  9. But this list is pretty bad. And clearly written by someone who doesn’t live in Kansas City .

    I’d add one thing:
    #22. YOU BANK AT MISSOURI BANK

    Post a Reply
    • Let me guess, taking a stab at a former employer?

      Post a Reply
  10. Great list.

    Tell me, do you lend money that is real, or that is created?

    Please never come to the places I love, or please please change. : ]

    Post a Reply
  11. OMG! Nobody is writing a law journal here. I have grown accustomed to reading this vlog for some humorous thoughts from those who are merely trying to make your day just a little nicer.

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