1. Your favorite bottoms are the West Bottoms — until Halloween, when your sacred space is infiltrated by tweens going to The Beast.
2. You only shower with Basement Soap you got at Normal Human.
3. You get all your groceries from the Westport Farmers Market because anything else would be sub-par. No one wants wilted cilantro in their bahn mi, obviously.
4. You have your own pour-over set up at home and refuse to drink coffee brewed any other way.
5. Your favorite band is the opening act at Grinders, rather than the headliner at Sprint Center.
6. Cuffing your Baldwin jeans is part of your morning routine, in between fluffing your beard and waxing your ‘stache.
7. Ever listen to the radio? Not unless it’s The Bridge 90.9.
8. You avoid First Fridays. Or, as you and your friends call it, “Amateur Hour.”
9. The stench of Starbucks makes you vomit. They totally over-roast their poor coffee beans. #OddlyCorrect4Life
10. You inwardly cringe every time someone orders a mocha at Oddly Correct.
11. Instead of getting a haircut from a stylist at Great Clips, you get your hair groomed by an artist at Chop Tops.
12. You see no point to going South of 43rd Street. There’s nothing in the suburbs to pique your interest.
13. But really, you’d rather not leave the River Market.
14. You ask your waitress at The Farmhouse how their meat was raised.
15. Your contribution to the breakfast conversation is about the fallacies in Hemmingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” which you read cover to cover in one afternoon at Rainy Day Books.
16. Everyone’s brewing beer now, so you’ve moved on to making your own cocktail bitters.
17. Your favorite band to see at The Westport Saloon “doesn’t believe in playing traditional instruments.”
18. You don’t have an art degree but have a strong opinion on the Neoclassicism at the Nelson.
19. Your urban garden near the River Market “only started with tomatoes and parsley, but kind of just expanded from there, you know?”
20. You say things like, “It’s the only place in KC that makes real drinks.”
21. Your ideal date night is attending a quote-along screening of The Big Lebowski at Alamo Drafthouse.