We present the 35 most common thoughts from a typical rush hour drive on I-35.
1.) Today’s gonna be the day — no traffic jams!
2.) Oh look, it’s drizzling. Guess I’ll be seven hours late today.
3.) *takes sip of coffee* OWWWW TOO HOT
4.) Why is that cop wasting his time taking radar when no one can go faster than 28 mph in this traffic?
5.) Ha! A lighting company called Watts Up. I get it.
6.) Bad wreck, I’m gonna be late. I should call my boss … Naw, it’ll clear up.
7.) It’s not technically texting and driving if I’m completely stopped in traffic, right?*
8.) I have to peeeeeeeee.
9.) *Hears tornado sirens in the distance.* So this is how it ends.
10.) Hey guy in the retired police car, literally everyone hates you.
11.) Do you NEED to go from the far left lane to the far right lane in ten feet?
12.) No, lady in the lane next to me, this turn signal has been on 10 minutes just for fun. I totally don’t need to change lanes or anything.
13.) Will my coffee still be warm when I finally get to work?
14.) I had no idea this many people still smoke.
15.) *Sitting still in traffic* I should really call my boss. *Checks Snapchat*
16.) How did that couch get on the side of the highway?
17.) Nope, not letting that jerk in.
18.) LET ME IN YOU JERK!
19.) No really, it’s just a little rain. It’s not like it’s snowing. DRIVE, PEOPLE.
20.) Seriously gonna pee my pants…
21.) Sweet Bluetooth headset, Mr. Porsche guy. Is the car also from 2002?
22.)*Reaches to honk horn.* Don’t be that guy. Don’t be that guy. *Slowly removes hand.*
23.) Slow breathing. Count to eight. Just like the psychologist told me.
24.) If I’m only going 17 miles, why does it have to take 38 minutes? This is supposed to be a highway!
25.) Oh look, 69 is backed up. Something new!
26.) Did that sign say construction is starting soon? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
27.) I’m about to go Grand Theft Auto right here.
28.) At least I’m not northbound this morning …
29.) At least I’m not southbound tonight …
30.) Why are you in the fast lane if you’re going 55 in a 60 mph zone? WHY WHY WHY.
31.) Wish they would’ve made that IKEA a little bigger.
32.) *Traffic finally clears up.* FREEEEEDOM!!!
33.) *Traffic immediately jams back up.* WHYYYYYY? *Tears and audible weeping*
34.) Definitely eating light when I get home … Oh look, Chipotle two miles ahead!
35.) My coffee is cold. #ofcourse
*MazumafyKC does NOT, under any circumstance, condone texting and driving. (Duh.)