The American Royal recently announced it’s ditching Kemper Arena for the Truman Sports Complex, leaving the future of one of Kansas City’s most memorable landmarks in doubt.
KC officials are putting out feelers to the public on what to do with the arena. If none of the proposals spark their interest, there’s a chance the arena could get torn down.
Welp, heads up KC officials — we’ve got five awesome ideas right here:
1.) Turn Kemper into a giant battle zone
We’re talking paint ball, laser tag, gladiator challenges, the works. Gut the stadium seating and replace it with intricate mazes and themed areas that have been recreated from famous movie scenes and battles from American history. Oh, and be sure to blare The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack for dramatic effect.
2.) Convert it into the world’s most intense indoor rainforest
We’re not talking about granny’s vegetable garden, here. We’re talking a full-on Amazon, complete with exotic animals, rivers and man-eating plants (K, maybe not the last one). It’d be like Jurassic Park, but instead of dinosaurs there’d be animals that wouldn’t violently kill you and your family.
3.) The Kemper Candy Factory
As kids, we all wished that Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory was a real thing. Well, now it can be. Let’s recreate the magic with chocolate fountains, everlasting gobstoppers, fruit-flavored wallpaper and seven-course flavored gum. Throw in a couple of oompa loompas and a psychotic, reclusive owner with severe daddy issues, and we’ve got ourselves a new national treasure.
4.) Create a geographical wonderland
Sometimes the Great Plains can be a great pain — but no more. Come to Kemper, where you can ski down artificial mountains, hike winding trails and scale massive rocks. In the mood to kick back? Go to the fake beach, where we’ve recreated a beautiful ocean complete with sand, seashells and heating lamps for that perfect mid-January sunburn.
5.) Turn it into a literal ghost town
Being in the West Bottoms, it only makes sense to convert Kemper into the world’s biggest and scariest haunted house. We’ll pack the place with horrifying things — ghosts, maniacal clowns, Gene Simmons without makeup, you name it. This place’ll be so scary, you’ll be required to bring an extra pair of underwear just to get in.