5 Dirty truths about KC waterparks

For Kansas Citians wanting to get their splash on, there’s really no shortage of options. Between neighborhood pools, loosely regulated slip n’ slides and late-night skinny dippin’ in the Plaza fountains, this city’s pretty much got you covered.

And that’s not even counting the two biggest waterparks in KC: Schlitterbahn and Oceans of Fun. Even though these two waterparks seem like a day of fun in the sun, most people end up driving home from them feeling dirtier than a band-aid at the bottom of a cesspool.

Here’s why:

The Verruckt

verruckt giphyThis new 168-foot Schlitterbahn slide broke the world record as the tallest of its kind. Not sure about you, but just watching this makes us want to say, “No mas por favor.”

Kiddie Pools

kid pool fail If you’re gonna bring kids, you’ve got two options: let ’em run free and pray that something like this won”t happen (it will) or hang out with them in the kiddie pool while marinating in a giant bath of yellow “water.”

Gate Checksslide crashNothing beats standing in line for six hours in the 96 degree heat, only to crash at the bottom of a slide that lasted 3 seconds.

The Views

bikini - cheezburgerNext time you’re at a waterpark, stop for a minute and look around you. Not exactly Miami beach, huh?


slip slidin awayLet’s face it: We’re from Kansas City. When it comes to water, we have no idea what we’re doing. The only “wave” we know is when someone let’s us go ahead at a four-way stop.


Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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  1. Yo, I’m pretty sure the lady that ran into the gate wasn’t even prepared to be in the water, she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt! Too bad about all those broken bones though.

    Post a Reply
    • mazuma

      It’s hard to imagine anyone voluntarily getting wet while wearing jeans – they’re IMPOSSIBLE when they’re wet like that. Maybe even worse than the broken bones at first.

      Post a Reply

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