6 Questions You Wish Your Family Would Stop Asking at Thanksgiving

It’s that time of year again. When you head home for the holidays, cheery and in spirit, only to have it slowly drained by the the things your family says and does year after year. Sure, you love them. But that’s ’cause you have to.

It’s true the rest of the year you can convince yourself you’ve grown up, matured, and are a better person. But for those few days you immerse yourself among your kin, you go from Thomas to Tommy, from self-assured in your career to never living up to your older cousin.

While there are so many things to look forward to during the holidays, the following experiences are not:

 

“So, you’re still single?”

Still-Single-Punch

Oh how we hate hearing this. Yes. I am single. But you know what? It’s OK — as long you don’t follow it up with how you know a “really nice” girl/guy who is the daughter/son of your co-worker because I DON’T CARE.

 

“Those football cheerleaders are pretty bouncy this year, eh?”

creepy-uncle

We know who this is. It’s your creepy uncle and he’s waggling his eyebrows as he says this. He gives unsolicited hugs, advice and smiles. Your whole family has learned to ignore him — but remember: prep anyone new you bring home. For while we all may have a creepy uncle of our own, we’re not at all used to yours.

 

Family Member A: How’s work going?

Family Member B: How’s work going?

Family Member C: How’s work going?

Family Member D: What do you do with your life, again?

question-existence

It’s enough to make you stand on a table and make an announcement: FAMILY, GATHER ‘ROUND AND LISTEN CLOSELY. It’s strange though — as you tell your work story over and over, it becomes more and more meaningless. You start out all, “My life is full of rainbows and sunshine…” and end up all, “Why am I even on this earth?” Only family has this ability to make you question your existence. And they do it every single year.

 

“Peter, I mean Sarah…What’s your name? There are so many of you I forget which one you are, LOL”

very-important

I’M IMPORTANT, I MATTER.

 

“Have you seen cousin Bobby?”

bobby-got-fat

Cousin Bobby got fat, Aunt Jane looks older than ever, and you have no desire whatsoever to find out what they’re saying about you.

 

So, when are you buying the ring?

Marry-Yourself

A follow-up to the single question, this one comes if you’ve been dating someone for a while, the family knows them, and intentionally puts you on the spot in hopes the question will be popped right there. The longer you date, the worse it gets. Sometimes you consider getting hitched just to avoid this question next year.

mazuma

Author: mazuma

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12 Comments

  1. I hope I’m not alone in this. I just couldn’t stand being in that turkey house any longer. In orde to salvage some relationships, we agreed to start eating out somewhere. When we are out in public, it seems there is not all that arguing, swearing, belching, lying, and obnoxious behavior. Obviously, we are able to sit down and have a meal together without embarrassing ourselves. We may have even saved somes lives.

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    • This is a great idea! I just wanted to add the barting with the belching after dinner and during the football games Barting is a mixture of beer and you know….

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  2. Someone mentioned that relatives have no boundaries and I believe that is so true. You end up being the liar because you have to come up with answers for their totally ignorant personal questions. Its hard to compare relatives, but I’d trade mine for the apple or the orange.

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  3. Seems the really embarrassing questios start with a kid then some one always picks up on it and broadcasts that no, I’m not still pregnant. Do they not see the baby I am holding right in front of their face? They argue about whether or not I am pregnant!

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    • That happened to me at Easter, as I was holding my 11-month-old.
      Her: “Congratulations!”
      Me, mystified: “On what?”
      Her: “You’re pregnant!”
      Me: “I am? No, I’m not.”
      Her: “Oh.” *pause* “Well, you should be by now, or your kid’s going to be too old to have a sibling.”
      WHAT.

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      • Gorgeous shot…is that a shooting star??? awesome! Hope you catch a break from all the bad weather. Its cold n rainy here today also. It can be very depressing!

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  4. Small families have the same problems. They just whisper. By the time you hear it’s about you, you feel just as pissed as if they yelled it out in a crowded room.

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  5. Maybe nobody would come if only water was allowed.

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  6. Uncle Vegan asks every year, How do you eat that crap? I always ask, Why are you here?

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  7. I hate politics with a passion because of one cousin that comes to dinner every year with her blow horn. She manages to fit it into the dumbest conversations. She said my hiccups would stop after the midterm elections!

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  8. What do all the weird uncles do the other 364 days of the year?

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    • mazuma

      Great comment – we just tweeted it out after laughing. Thanks so much!

      Post a Reply

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