Amazon reviews that actually exist

Amazon. Is there anything better? This souped-up online shopping site has everything you never knew you needed, and now it’s dangling the dream of same-day shipping. Amazon never disappoints, and neither do the people who write reviews for it. Product reviews are absolutely clutch these days, especially when you dabble in online purchases. But helpfulness isn’t how Amazon reviews will be remembered. From time-to-time they just get downright funny.

BIC pens for Her:

BIC Cristal Ball Pen

“I’d really like to buy a pack of these pens, but I probably need my father’s or husband’s permission first. Like I do with all my financial decisions.”

“This product is fantastic for those days when my prose is suffering from that not-so-fresh feeling.”



Uranium Ore:

Uranium Ore“Essential for both terrorists and mad scientists.”

“I was very disappointed to have my uranium confiscated at the airport. It was a gift for my son for his birthday. Also, I’m in prison now, so that’s not good either.”


Banana slicer:

Hutzler Banana Slicer

“Gone are the days of biting off slice-sized chunks of banana and spitting them onto a serving tray…. Next on my wish list: a kitchen tool for dividing frozen water into cube-sized chunks.”

“As shown in the picture, the slices are curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.”




Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

“I believe that wearing this t-shirt has made me a better man, which is remarkable because, well….I’m a chick.”

“Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.”


Horse Head Mask:

Accoutrements Horse Head Mask

“It’s not big enough to completely cover a horse’s head, and it doesn’t provide enough air flow for them, either.”

“It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways.”

Sugarless Haribo Gummy Bears:


“Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.”

“OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.”


Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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1 Comment

  1. The Haribo one is soo funny!!! You have to go read all of the reviews especially if you are having a horrible day it will turn your frown upside down. 🙂

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