Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my best friend and all the good memories we had together growing up. Did you have a childhood best friend?
I’m so glad you asked, because I had the greatest friend growing up! We saw each other three times a week — sometimes more if I had a bunch of bad dreams and was wetting myself more than usual. Not sure why, but we only hung out at his office. I would just lay down on his couch, and he would listen to me talk while he wrote things down. He was probably just writing stories about how awesome I am.
He’d always ask me about my parents and my childhood and all the memories I had. He was such a great listener! He would also nod along a lot. Sometimes I think he’d fall asleep while I was talking — probably because my voice was so soothing. He even made me call him ‘Doc’ — a nickname I’m sure he reserved only for his bestest of friends.
Doc cared so much about me that he’d ask me about my health insurance and medical history. There was even a lady at his front desk who I’d talk to while he finished hanging out with his other friends. Sometimes I’d catch people handing the lady money. Pretty sure she was a drug dealer.
Doc was the best, but unfortunately we don’t hang out anymore. He said I had too much “baggage,” which was weird because I don’t even own a suitcase! We haven’t spoken in years, but I was flipping through the channels the other day and saw him on my TV! He looked great, but instead of “Doc,” everyone kept calling him by his formal name, “Dr. Phil.” Clearly they weren’t besties like we were.
[ed. note: Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home, take this advice seriously, or believe anything Mike says about knowing Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil is a local boy – Shawnee Mission North grad, y’all – but we’re pretty sure he was out of the area long before Mike was born. Anyway, we post the Ask Mike series because we enjoy making fun of him, not because he has good ideas.]