Ask Mike: Exercise Tips

Hi Mike,

My doctor says I need to exercise more. It’s nice and warm out — do you have any suggestions for outdoor exercise?

— Lazy in Lee’s Summit


Dear Lazy,

One of the most effective exercises I do to keep me bikini ready involves a lot of running and disciplined motor skills: THE SLIP AND SLIDE! Sure it sounds fun, but this isn’t an exercise for beginners. One misstep and you could get terrible grass burn (a very serious injury that only the world’s best athletes are prone to).

Looking for something a little more adventurous? I recommend trying my Deep End Excursion. That’s where I tread water for as long as I can in the deep end of a pool until I start to go under. Not only is it exhausting, but it usually ends in a lifeguard giving me mouth-to-mouth. Double win!

If water sports aren’t really your thing, there are other options. One fitness trend that’s sweeping the nation is called parkour, where you try to overcome obstacles in a path with the most efficiency using natural movements. Or as I like to call it, avoiding my parents while sneaking to the fridge for a midnight tub of ice cream.

I’m really good at that one.


[ed. note: Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home, take this advice seriously, or start to drown in an attempt to get closer to a lifeguard (or for any other reason). You might die. We post the Ask Mike series because we enjoy making fun of him, not because he has good ideas.]


Author: mazuma

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  1. Maybe Mike knows the answer to this. I am trying to get back into a physical therapy rehab center without having to break another leg. It was the best exercise ever! I did not have to do a thing. Those nice people did it all for me. They put the weights in my hand and lifted them for me. They took my legs and did high kicks and circles which made me a little dizzy just watching but they seemed to enjoy it. One day they tell me that I’m good to go and didn’t want to see me in there ever again. I’ve been so depressed. Why can’t they open these rehab centers for everybody? Seems a little selfish.

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  2. mazuma

    Realistically, if you took Mike’s advice and tried the parkour, you’d probably be back in rehab in no time. Just, you know, for a broken hip instead of a broken leg.

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