I know everyone loves the 4th of July, but I am terrified of fireworks. Have you had any bad experiences with them?
– Fearful of Fireworks
I’ve always been a little weary of the dark arts and the sorcery that surrounds the 4th of July. Plus I hate all the loud noises that fireworks make. So I usually just hang out in my basement, or the “Rave Cave” as it’s popularly called … by me.
Besides, my dad’s never really let me play with fireworks. He says I can’t even be trusted with a glow stick. Which actually kinda makes sense, because I mistook a glow stick for a popsicle. Twice. And I can agree with him that it’s really embarrassing to go to the emergency room for the same thing twice in one week. On a positive note, my teeth looked AWESOME! It was like someone colored them with yellow highlighter mixed with poison!
If you’re really afraid of fireworks, a nice alternative is to just make firework noises while you flip the lights on and off. But I should also tell you that it’s not a good idea if your dog is prone to seizures. Rest in peace, Mr. Wiggles.
[ed. note: Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home, take this advice seriously, or waste a bunch of energy flipping the light switch as a pathetic proxy for fireworks. We post the Ask Mike series because we enjoy making fun of him, not because he has good ideas.]