Ask Mike: Fireworks

Hey Mike,

I know everyone loves the 4th of July, but I am terrified of fireworks. Have you had any bad experiences with them?

– Fearful of Fireworks


Dear Fearful,

I’ve always been a little weary of the dark arts and the sorcery that surrounds the 4th of July. Plus I hate all the loud noises that fireworks make. So I usually just hang out in my basement, or the “Rave Cave” as it’s popularly called … by me.

Besides, my dad’s never really let me play with fireworks. He says I can’t even be trusted with a glow stick. Which actually kinda makes sense, because I mistook a glow stick for a popsicle. Twice. And I can agree with him that it’s really embarrassing to go to the emergency room for the same thing twice in one week. On a positive note, my teeth looked AWESOME! It was like someone colored them with yellow highlighter mixed with poison!

If you’re really afraid of fireworks, a nice alternative is to just make firework noises while you flip the lights on and off. But I should also tell you that it’s not a good idea if your dog is prone to seizures. Rest in peace, Mr. Wiggles.


[ed. note: Do not, under any circumstances, try this at home, take this advice seriously, or waste a bunch of energy flipping the light switch as a pathetic proxy for fireworks. We post the Ask Mike series because we enjoy making fun of him, not because he has good ideas.]


Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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  1. About 25 years ago, I moved from Mobile, AL to an apartment complex in downtown KC. My first 4th of July here, some neighbors told me to come join them for some fireworks. I was really excited so I brought out my illegal m80’s hoping not to get caught. My neighbors brought out their hand guns and began shooting in the air. I grabbed my little box of crap and ran. They said if I can’t take a little friendly fire, then I should take my cooties back to Alabama! Not knowing what cooties actually are, I assured them that there are no cooties in Alabama. I have only watched the fireworks on TV ever since.

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  2. mazuma

    Elmore, we thought cooties were no longer contagious after elementary school. Sounds like an awful experience!

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  3. Posting everywhere possible PLEASE READ !!!! worst credit union to do business with beware, thought they were great but not. they chose to lose a loyal customer that paid 43,000 dollars to them over charging 200 dollars for a mistake they made SHAME.

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