Ask Mike: First Dates

Hi Mike,

Can you tell us about your best or worst first date?

– Tired of Dating

Dear Tired,

The last date I went on went really well. I showed up at her house, and I honked the horn a couple of times so she’d know we were in a hurry (I don’t like being out past dark … too many werewolves.). She actually ended up bringing another guy with her, which I thought was cool because I was getting a new girlfriend and a new best friend on the same day. Score! As soon as they got to the car I pushed all the wrappers and trash onto the floor and put a towel down over her seat, because I’m a gentleman.

It was weird though – they both decided to sit in the back. Then they kept giving me directions, and when we finally got out, she asked how much she owed me and gave me some money. What a lady!

We all went to a concert, and even though the two of them spent most of the night talking and dancing with each other, I felt like we all really bonded. They just seemed to get me, especially my sense of humor. They could not stop laughing at me all night.

The two of them ended up going back to his place for a game of tonsil hockey. I don’t even know how to skate, let alone play hockey, so I told them to go have fun and we’d all go out again soon.

That was eight months ago. I’ve called and texted her a bunch of times but haven’t gotten an answer yet. I’m sure she’s just exhausted from all the hockey.

mazuma

Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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20 Comments

  1. So, I met this guy on Match and we decided to meet at Jimmy’s Jigger. He wanted to know right off if I was a KU or MU fan. I said I lived on State Line and could go either way cuz I don’t follow sports so much. That was not a good answer and he kept asking so I said KU cuz I live on the Kansas side. Well, that was obviously a deal breaker. I thought you just didn’t talk politics or religion. If it is such a big deal, why don’t these sports freaks put that in their profile? After I said KU, his entire personality changed. You would have thought I said he was ugly or an A hole. I said I was leaving and he said “great.” Then he gets up and trips and falls to the floor (I didn’t do it!). The manager insisted he go to the ER and get checked out. They took him to KU! So, that’s a shame.

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    • mazuma

      Isn’t irony great? It’s also great that you got the story, even if it wasn’t fun sitting through the part where you got the story.

      Thanks for sharing!

      For anyone else reading, we’d love some more!

      [As an aside: there are two people in the office where I’m writing this. One is a KU fan, the other is an MU fan. We get along. It is possible, swearsies.]

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  2. You know how identical twins think they are so cute and smart that they feel they can pull off any prank or even murder from what I’ve seen on TV? Maybe they should not be allowed to date till, say 30 or some mature age if that even exists. Of course, I’m not ratting on all you twins, just half of you. I figured it out on the second date when I noticed he had returned from his 5th bathroom break with different neon- colored shoe laces. Even the first date there were many bathroom runs. I was actually feeling sorry for him thinking he did in fact have the runs. But then there was also the awkward conversations when he returned. This might be funny if you were 5. When confronted about the shoes, he said, “we decided this wasn’t working out.” I was sitting there with a fork in my hand trying to decide if that might work out. I think I was dumped by two people in one night! I tried to do the dumping first but the jerk, or jerks, beat me to it. I do believe I have a sense of humor but this dating thing is so hard. Elderly people and guys from any country that the name ends in ickishstan just seem to love me. Maybe I should move there.

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  3. I worked at a restaurant in downtown KC and all the smokers would gather at the dumpster outback after lunch. They had all become my BFFs. I was always determined not to ever date a smoker cuz I was always quitting. Of course, there was this one guy that I just couldn’t say no to. He would wear five nicotine patches and still come out and light up. We decided to meet at the dumpster for our first date and have our last cigarette and then go out to dinner. It’s been 2 years and we are smoke free and very happy. I know this is not the least bit romantic and even kinda dumpster dirty, and I should not even submit this. Where is the submit button?

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  4. I’m going to be kind and say this woman was just accident prone and not an airhead. She had come into the police dept to report her car had been stolen out of a parking garage. I was taking all her info and right in the middle of it, she says “never mind.” She suddenly remembers that she drove her father’ car that day. I walked her back to the garage to find it and then find she had locked the keys in the car. I got that popped open and then the car wouldn’t start. She was out of gas. So, I got that taken care of, she apologizes, and then asks if I want to go out with her. I admit, I was just wanting to get the hell away from her but then I figured why not, right? Turns out she is always like this. First date she couldn’t find the coffee shop and called to say she had to go back home first anyway cuz she thought she left her garage door open. Then I just told her “never mind.”

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  5. I’m one of those “undateables” so I joined one of those over eaters groups hoping for motivation with all the poor souls like me. All was good and I was actually seeing some of my lbs come off. But then I started seeing one of them. We only went to bars. He never ate. He says that’s how he had lost all the weight. I had been admiring him all this time for sticking to the diet. I got tired of him quickly mainly because I was hungry. I fear he may have to join another type of group soon.

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  6. mazuma

    Peoples’ first date stories are better than reality tv, seriously. Kristin, Marcy, Jeff, Michelle – thanks for sharing! Kristin and Jeff, we wish you luck finding non-crazies to date. There have to be some out there somewhere, right? Michelle, definitely better to stop seeing that guy than deal with his potential future problem.

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  7. Maybe this could be therapeutic for me just to tell and admit that I was just mean. We went out and just didn’t click. Instead of just saying what the hey, I said “just die already.” That was after he gave me the I”ll call ya line. That was 7 years ago. Yes, I have matured and realize how awful that was. About a year ago, his obit said that he had passed after a long illness. I know neither of us gave the other a second thought after that first date, but just seeing that obit gave me pause. What I said may not have been deadly, but certainly ugly. I wouldn’t have called me either.

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  8. I was approached in a clothing store by a very attractive woman and she says “God loves you.” I think I said “Thanks.” She then starts babbling on and on about why this was true. I did let her babble cuz the whole time I’m thinking she’s hitting on me. All guys think that. I asked if she would like to continue this chat over dinner and she said yes. Well, Jesus Christ, was truly the entire purpose of her having dinner with me. She even told me that we had similar looks and that was an important issue so there would be balance while you are both searching for God? So, now I’m thinking she finds me attractive and this is going great. But after that I could see she was some sort of recruitment officer. I won’t say for who but their name does include pancakes. Even as she left, she said “God loves you.” I was left wondering, really?

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    • “I won’t say for who but their name does include pancakes.” – SO FUNNY. I died a little.

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  9. mazuma

    Linda, that’s how we learn not to be jerks… or maybe the date really was bad enough to warrant that comment. It happens.

    Jackson, honestly, that one is all your fault. 😛

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  10. Three hours into a flight, I agreed to go out with Charlie, if in fact, that was his real name. He was charming, funny, cute, and single. I thought I had enough in flight info to just go for it. Well, then I decided to get up and go to the restroom. I was in the middle seat so I had to pass in front of him and he mumbles “big bootie.” I went on back to restroom and just stayed there till a stewardess knocked. I told her about him and she got my stuff from the seat and he asked her what was going on. She said “I don’t know, jackass”

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    • mazuma

      Nothing like the stealth jerks, right? Ick.

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  11. Ever been fixed up with a cousin and didn’t know it? Friends did that. We were out at a concert and just talking about different people we know and she mentions this one guy and I said that was my cousin and she says “me too?, We then figure out that we were like 2nd or 3rd cousins which was way too creepy for both of us so we decided that I could tell my friends that she was headed back to prison on a parole violation and she could tell her friends that I had 6 fingers and a big head.

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  12. Did a favor for a friend by being her date at a wedding. I told her I’d go if I don’t have to dance and she said OK. She says any duffus can dance, just stand there and move your arms. Duffus? Me? So, later in the evening I hear my fav, Mony, Mony, so I just went out and did my pony pony dance. It looks a bit like Mike’s dance number but without the pepper spray, yet. Yeah, I knew she was beyond stopping me, I wouldn’t and couldn’t. I don’t know if she left or what. Later, a couple guys come over and ask me to take it down a notch. Seems I was taking up too much room. Well, I could not have any of that, so I took it up a notch. I just ponied myself till I could pony no more.

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    • mazuma

      Keep working on the dance, Kyle. We’re sure that someday you’ll be able to be peppersprayed just like Mike.

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  13. I called to make plans for our first date. I said I was good with whatever or wherever she wanted to go. I must have suggested 50 places to eat and she had 50 reasons not to go there. She never suggested even one cuz all were either too high, too dressy, too far, and one was too “gassy.” Then, I tried movies. She already seen it, too gross, too violent, too stupid or not the “good bathrooms.” I went on to try bars, concerts, coffee shops, She finally decides she likes “outdoors.” All my things were “indoors.” This just went on too long so I finally told her if she ever wanted to go out “outdoors” she should find somebody that knows what the hell that is, Who goes camping and deep sea fishing on the first date? So, I feel bad that I don’t have a first date story.

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  14. mazuma

    James, that sucks, but it’s good you figured it out early.

    Steve, that sounds like a bad enough phone call to count as an awful first date. Good. Riddance.

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  15. She was quite late for our first date explaining she could not find anything to wear. Later, I find she meant that literally. She said she admits that she’s sort of a pack rat as she put a salt shaker in her purse. Asked her like what she collects, Shoes? Cats? She says just whatever. Asks me if there is anything I’d like to share? No, I’m good. Getting up to leave I notice the silverware is gone. I watched her drive off in her car filled with her whatever. Now I wish I could have shared that I believe she is a hoarder, liar, and a klepto!

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  16. mazuma

    Congratulations on getting away from the crazy so easily. Yeeesh.

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