Ask Mike: Game Day Superstitions

Dear Mike,

The Royals are on a hot streak, and I swear it’s because I’ve sat in the exact same spot on my couch to watch every playoff game. Do you have any superstitions?

— Superstitious Shannon

 

Dear Superstitious,

First let me ask, what direction are your feet pointed when you’re sitting? Due north? South by southwest? These details are so important. Figure it out. And then don’t change it.

As for me, my Royals pregame ritual is pretty extensive. I know the team is counting on me, so it’s imperative I keep it up. And despite my efforts, nothing I do is as amazing as Salvador Perez’s ritual.

It goes as follows, in this order, one after the next, NO exceptions:

 

Night before game:

Light all of my scented candles, dim the lights and conduct a seance to pray to the baseball gods for a Royals victory. Then I eat 18 Oreos with a glass of milk. Not 17, not 19, but 18 Oreos. This has as much to do with superstitions as it does with yummy in my tummy.

 

One hour before the game:

Take off my socks and put them on my hands, where they must stay until the game is over. It gets a little stinky, but I power through.

mike-sock-puppet

50 minutes before the game:

Make a turkey and mustard sandwich and eat it from the inside out. Usually my mom makes it for me but not on game day – no fraternization beforehand. The hand socks make a great napkin, gotta say.

 

30 minutes before the game:

Sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ a cappella. This one usually takes a while. My pitch has to be perfect. That means the game will be perfect too.

 

Game time:

Grab my blankie and sit cross-legged on the floor exactly 5 feet, 10 inches in front of the TV, at a 45-degree angle so my mom can see from the couch behind me.

 

During the game:

Chant the same thing every time we strike out a batter: “It’s a strike, it’s a ‘K,’ I haven’t wet myself yet today!” When the Royals score my parents and I all hold hands and dance in a circle singing, “We scored! We scored! Hurray! We scored!”

Works like a charm, guaranteed. For realz. Now if anyone else wants to talk about their ritual, drop us a line in the comments below. Or you can go here to tell Donna, whoever the heck she is.

mazuma

Author: mazuma

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2 Comments

    • mazuma

      Pretty much everything about Mike is strange.

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