Ask Mike: Guide to Eating Out

Dear Mike,

In honor of #KCRW, I think we’d all like to know your tips and tricks for dining out. Do you have any menu favorites or secrets to share?

— Famished in Fairway


Dear Famished,

I don’t eat out often, but when I do, I eat a lot. Many ask me how I manage to stay so trim given how much I consume, but that’s a question to be answered another time. Right now, I’m going to share my four BEST fine dining secrets that will change your life forever.

Now my tastes can run expensive, so be prepared to pay top dollar if you try out any of these delicious options.


McDonald’s Secret Sauce

Next time you go to the golden arches, get yourself a couple packets of BBQ sauce and mayonnaise. Open the BBQ sauce and squeeze in some mayo. Use a french fry to mix the concoction (the color should resemble thousand island dressing but it’s like a thousand times better). Once you’re satisfied, eat your mixing tool and pour the secret sauce all over your nuggets, burgers and salads.


Wendy’s Sweet and Salty Sticks

Nothing in this world compares to Wendy’s frosties. Nothing. But there is one thing that is slightly better than just a frosty. A frosty and fries. But these two don’t get along separately — they MUST ALWAYS stay together. Dip the french fries in your frosty and you’ve just bought yourself a stairway to heaven. Made of ice cream and potatoes.


Chicken and Biscuits Mix-Up

There’s something about Chik-fil-A’s regular chicken sandwich that changes my life. There’s something about KFC’s biscuits that change my life. Put those two together and life changes forever. TIP: Try to find a KFC and Chik-fil-A near each other (like the ones at 95th and Quivira in OP) because no one wants to eat cold chicken or biscuits. SECOND TIP: Don’t eat this inside the restaurants. They don’t approve of foreign foods, no matter how delicious the combination. Besides, eating in the car in the parking lot is NOT shameful, no matter what anyone says, MOM.


Nacho Typical Taco Bell Nachos

With all the delicious choices on the T-Bell menu, I really don’t like to order a big thing of nachos. Luckily they have a side nacho order that comes with some delicious cheese sauce. Just mix some of their fiery hot sauce in with the cheese, and you’ve got a better tasting side of nachos. What, were you expecting another stairway to heaven? GREEDY.




Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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