Kansas City was coined the City of Fountains for a reason – because those giant water spouts are frickin’ everywhere. Little known fact – KC has more fountains than any other city in the world, except Rome. So, inevitably, if we were to write a blog about Kansas City fountains, you’d think it’d be a roll call of all our high-profile water shooters: the JC Nichols Memorial, the Crown Center fountains or the beauties that go off at Kauffman Stadium. Well, it turns out there are other fountains in this ole town that don’t get the same kind of attention. Here are their untold stories…
Name: The Giant Bidet Location: Somewhere in Lenexa, KS.
This outpouring is redefining the way Kansas City thinks about fountains. While barely adding any visual allure to the body of water, this fountain is creating a thriving ecosystem for this likely fishless pond. Because really, what’s worse than stagnant water? Just nothing.
Name: The dribbler Location: A random office building
Two out of the three water fountains we checked in the office don’t work. This is probably a result of the growing number of viruses and bacteria setting up shop near the mouth piece. Have you ever noticed that most water fountains only have two settings? Ridiculous arch and barely a dribble. Fact: it’s not possible to use one of these without creating a geyser down your chin and soaking your shirt. Plus, now you have the flu.
Name: Soda Fountain. Location: Jason’s Deli
This fountain is where indecisiveness flourishes. Heaven forbid you get caught behind someone who’s apparently never used one before, or the guy that fills his cup, stands there and drinks half and then refills it. With so many choices, it can be time consuming. Don’t even get us started on the crushed vs. cubed ice debate.
BUT. Let’s talk about the power move of the soda fountain, “The Suicide.” This one isn’t for the faint of heart. One splash of absolutely every option. Yup, that includes the nasty flavored Hi-C. Can’t handle it? Fine, we’ll meet ya at the bottom of the chicken exit later.