Open Letter to the Rest of the Country: Don’t Move Here

Dear People in the Rest of the Country,

We have something to share with you. We spent a lot of time thinking about this, and we finally feel like we can say it. Ready? OK. Here goes — please don’t move here.

Ahhh. That feels good to get off our chests.

Yeah, we said it. Kansas City is one of the best cities in America, as several national publications have already noted, yet so many people still don’t know how great our city is. Good. We’re better off as a hidden gem, and here’s why we want to keep it that way.

Does this look fun to you? DOES IT?

First of all, we have enough traffic on our roads as it is. It’s not ‘L.A. bad’ or ‘New York bad’ or even ‘Chicago, Dallas or Houston bad.’ But the last thing we need is your car on I-35 at rush hour slowin’ us down on our way home. One less car lets us put the pedal to the medal … and by that, we mean going 15 miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic. But still, you get the idea.

Secondly, our housing market is ri-dic-u-lus. Have you seen how affordable Kansas City homes are compared to other major U.S. cities? You can buy a mansion in Mission Hills for the same price as a dumpster in downtown Denver. If people start moving here and buying up all of our houses, prices will skyrocket and there won’t be anything left for the rest of us. Much like those obnoxious comments on YouTube videos, we were here first. Don’t rain on our housing parade.

If you’re not from the Midwest, you’re probably unfamiliar with Midwestern hospitality. Allow us to explain: we’re nice. Like, really nice. We say weird things like, “Hello,” “Thank you” and “Excuse me” to complete strangers. Most other places you hear things like, “Move it,” “Get outta the way,” and “Beeeeeeep!

Power & Light looks pretty peaceful to us.

When our Kansas City Royals won the World Series last year (Hey, remember that, New York?), fans celebrated into the morning, and no arrests were made. Nobody got out of control. Nobody went crazy. As a matter of fact, Kansas City police spokesman Darin Snapp told USA Today that this is “what we have come to expect from our citizens.” Please don’t come in and ruin our celebration reputation.

All of that to say, we thoroughly enjoy our under-the-radar city and intend to keep it that way. So if you’re thinking about moving here, to that we say, thanks but no thanks.

Yours in courage,

MazumafyKC

 

P.S. We really don’t need any more hipsters. We’re at capacity. Thanks, though.

mazuma

Author: mazuma

Mazuma is a Kansas City credit union that’s dedicated to banking happy. We’ve got free online banking, low auto and mortgage rates, and of course — you-choose checking. Ready to become a Member?

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40 Comments

  1. You made your own city sound like it’s full of selfish, stingy and rude people like yourself. Thanks for steering me (a citizen looking for a fun new exciting place to live) away from Kansas City as to you have just told me how it is the opposite of what I thought I knew.

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    • Our spine in KC isn’t so weak as to be dissuaded from moving somewhere because of a reverse psych. ad on the internet….. we don’t need your kind of limp wristed lack of adventure here. Try St. Louis or Tulsa… they’re into people like you.

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      • That’s right. You tell him/her

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      • Right?! St. Louis would happily accept him with open arms. 🙂

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    • That’s the idea. Stay away – PLEASE

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    • Are you seriously that thick? Oh, I see Huff Post. I understand. Huff on this.

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    • That was the point.

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    • Good. The article achieved its goal. P.S. If only you knew the truth. And if you really want to meet rude people, go to St. Louis.

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    • Muahaha its true I live here and its full of self righteous passive aggressive assholes!

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    • You’re an idiot lol falling for the oldest reverse psych trick in the book. Thank whoever that you don’t want to live here. We don’t need any Neanderthals that don’t even understand basic sarcasm. Please stay your dumb ass away.

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  2. ^^^ What that person said. I am from Kansas City and you make it sound like we’re all stuck up. Sorry you got a foot up your ass, not all of us do.

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  3. Glad you were steered away. You comment suggests to me that you are a Jackass anyway. Get along little donkey;)

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  4. To all the people saying this makes kc look bad, good.

    We are jerks. You won’t like it here. Stay away.

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    • Yes. Assholes. All of us. Go away. 😉

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  5. Dam right stay away , reading your comments you are all jackasses anyway.

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  6. Yeah this place stinks… stay away * sips really good local craft beer, in a locally owned bar, over delicious steak, next to a free parking lot *

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    • Minus the parking, you can get these things in virtually any major US city.

      I grew up in KC but have happily lived elsewhere the past few years. Nothing much has changed in the times I have visited.
      So to the author of the article, while you may have meant it to be lighthearted – in all seriousness, don’t worry; no one wants to come take over your city, even if *gasp* you have sports teams.

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      • I completely agree John. I lived there for a few years and wasn’t impressed. There’s not much to do there. Kinda boring. It’s just an average city – but with 10,000 fountains.

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  7. “This Mazuma idiot thinks he was here first?!?” -a Native American

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  8. I’m from Blue Springs and currently live in Oregon but plan to move back in a couple years I knid of agree about this letter i have noticed out in the northwest since the Royals won the world series there has been a lot of fair weather fans coming out

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  9. Wow, all these rude comments from Kansas Citians are appalling. For the 17 years I lived there I always thought the people were just down right hateful. You all just proved it.

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    • Maybe it was you. Just sayin.

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      • Yeah.. If everyone you meet is an “asshole” , chances are YOU’RE the asshole…Cheers!

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  10. Wow lots of defensive people on here…maybe because i live here i read the article in the light it was meant…i love humor it is how i deal with life…gotta laugh

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  11. Having live in Kansas City, Missouri (not Kansas) all my life, you have to get a sense of humor. We’ve been called bacward, cowtown and once I was asked if I had a horse. I laughed and said yeah about 307 horses and their eyes got huge. I laughed and said under my camero’s hood. Come or don’t come we don’t care one way or the other. Don’t you all see this letter is all in fun. Lighten up

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  12. Yes and I unfortunately found out none of the Kansas City Royals actually “live” in KC or the KC area. Quite a shock!!

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    • Not true! Eric Hosmer lives in downtown KC. Do some research before you make a stupid comment

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  13. I moved to Kansas City in 2000 from Pittsburgh, PA. I’ve traveled all over the United States and honestly this is one of the best places to live. Traveling around the city is so easy and KC is far more modern and clean than the East Coast. I like it far better than Pittsburgh. A lot of cities in the US are fun to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there. This is the kind of city that’s fun to live in because it’s comfortable on a day-to-day basis and has enough of what you need to make life enjoyable. The most important thing is the people in your life anyway and it’s nice to be able to travel easily to see them!

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  14. Midwest hospitality? I have close relatives all over the KC Missouri area but since we don’t live there they don’t even know we are alive. Perhaps they should see there is a whole world outside of their little bubble.

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    • Or perhaps they don’t like the person that you. Maybe you did something to offend them……..look in the mirror

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  15. Well the other has neglected to tell you how high the crime rate is, the the neighborhoods are full of gangs drugs and any given night one or two murders. I live in Kansas to 90% of the news that I have on my TV is how death in Missouri, killing, robbing, child abduction, and let’s not forget the streakers and so forth in Missouri

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  16. This article is right. I’m sorry but we moved to a smaller place just because of the many people coming from everywhere else and bringing the bad bad attitude with them. No we are not stuck up but tired of the new get of our way people coming to kc and the climbing crime rate even in suburban kc. Done with it.

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  17. One great place to visit but live there lol. Two, if this actually not a troll article, guess ya KC people aren’t as nice as ya used to be. And I thought the STL was stuck up. Three, when ya economic my tanks like it usually does don’t come a callin. What happen to ya nice peeps

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    • Your replay was almost completely unreadable.

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  18. Can’t believe how many butt hurt people there are out there taking the article so seriously. Every place has the good with the bad, the rude with the nice people. I’ve heard how rude New Yorkers were but in the 4 times I’ve been to the city I’ve found some very nice people and people that weren’t necessarily rude but just in a hurry. It’s a very fast paced city. My husband was from New York so I’m pretty familiar with various parts of New York. This is what’s wrong with society today, everyone takes things way too seriously.

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  19. I’m from Southern California. I’m rude, I’m in a hurry, I’ve overpaid for housing for years, a gallon of gas can cost up to $5.00, it takes me 2 hours minimum during rush hour to travel 40 miles. My sky Is brown and orange most times. I don’t know the current crime rate because I’m too busy working trying to survive out here with a sky high cost of living. All the signs in every store and in every governmental office are in Spanish or some other language. You don’t even have to be a citizen to get a drivers license here. Classrooms have an average of 30+ plus students to one teacher, and it ‘s not the best educational system. There aren’t any open fields here, unless it desert. No trees unless they’re palm or Joshua trees. Going to the beach is all day affair and will cost you at least $25.00 in parking fees alone. Not to mention there will be thousands of people there and finding a place in the sand is near impossible, unless you get there early. That’s if you can even go into the water. Nobody knows how to drive in the rain out here, because you hardly ever see it. The Winter consist of three months, January to March, maybe. It’s rarely ever colder than 65 degrees. Sunshine all the time, dry everyday, it’s downright depressing. Going to the DMV, the Social Security office, the unemployment office “real quick” is unheard of. If you’re not one of the beautiful people, you damn well better be smart or your not going to get very far out here. Please? Thank you? Hello? What does that mean? You’re lucky if the clerk checking you out at the register even makes eye contact with you. Almost every decent restaurant is going to have at least 1.5 wait Wednesday through Saturday. The housing market is through the roof! Pardon the pun. If you don’t make at least $70,000 per year, you’re not going to be a home owner. Except in those areas where nobody wants to live and there are bars on the windows and doors. I could go on and on.

    To hear the comments about KCMO having rude people makes me chuckle. Some folks out there are nice, others aren’t. But coming from CA, the rudest person in KCMO is probably one of the nicest people I’ve met. Yeah KC isn’t a metropolis but it’s evolving. It’s a big city with a small town feel, and parking! Buying a home for under $130K blows my mind. When someone says downtown is twenty minutes away, it’s twenty minutes away. Traffic?? Pfff. NOT! I will admit the is a culture shock in many, many ways, but that may not be a bad thing.

    I’m going to move to the Midwest because just about any place would be better than here. And I’m not going to invite anyone to follow me. ***Shhhh KCMO is the shit! *****

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    • Never ever consider moving here!!! Do come and visit but leave as soon as possible..
      Thank you for leaving…

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