This year, instead of toasting to happiness (who needs it?) or health (pssht) or world peace (OVERRATED!), we’re toasting you, Kansas City. No matter how weird things got in 2016 — and man, did they get weird — you were always so dang good to us.
So let’s raise a glass as we cheers the real toast of the town — you.
(Clears throat): Well, Kansas City, we’ve had quite the year. From witnessing the opening of the streetcar to losing brain cells while watching Travis Kelce find his next lady love on Catching Kelce, it has truly been a year to remember.
Just a few days into 2016, you gave us the first Chiefs playoff victory in 22 years. This season, they’re one of the best teams in football. Here’s to many more playoff victories, 5 a.m. tailgates and hoping that Alex Smith remembers how to throw a football.
You also gave us a full season of rooting for the world champion Royals. Even though they missed the postseason, you helped them defend their crown with honor. Here’s to getting back to the ‘ship next year. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.
Thanks to you, Kansas City, we have a lot to be proud of in 2016. Local tennis star Jack Sock brought home Olympic gold in Rio, the streetcar’s daily ridership skyrocketed to over 6,000 people and, like, no one got the Zika virus.
But for all the wonderful things you hath given, may we also take a moment to remember the things you hath taken away:
Jamaal Charles’ knees: They were glorious for so long, spinning and dancing like Simone Biles during a floor routine. They will be missed.
Tim Kaine’s overly happy smile: He may have lost the election, but his cheesy dad jokes will live on forever.
Kacie McDonnell: Don’t let Eric Hosmer’s cleats hit you on the way out.
We’ve been through a lot this year, Kansas City. We’ve seen ups and downs. We’ve seen celebrations and protests. Oh, and remember when Pokémon GO was a thing? Full-grown adults were flooding the plaza at 2 o’clock in the morning, and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. Well, good news, because the fad appears to be over. And we can all be grateful for that.