Sure, you may be a beast at the backstroke or a road runner on the race track, but can you chug the most strawberry mimosas at brunch? Here are some original Olympic events that Kansas Citians would dominate. Guaranteed.
1. Speed corn shucking
Who can embrace their Midwest roots and shuck the most corn in the shortest amount of time? If it’s you, you’ll win a medal that’s as gold as the corn itself.
2. BBQ Eating Contest
If you think dead lifting a thousand pounds is hard, wait till you try shoving that weight worth of brisket down your throat in under five minutes. Some might call that impossible. Kansas Citians call that dinner.
3. Hipstermon Go!
Catch as many hipsters in KC and train them into full-functioning members of society. Hint: They’re probably all at Oddly Correct Coffee Roasters.
4. Humidity sweating contest
Go outside and stand there until your t-shirt becomes sopping wet. Then, wring said shirt out into a bucket. Whoever’s is filled the highest with perspiration wins the honor of grossing out everyone around them.
5. Mimosa chugging contest
Kansas Citians are known for three things: sports, barbecue and binging copious amounts of mimosas at brunch. This is the one competition where it’s OK to juice.
6. Extreme hill walking race
Whoever said Kansas was flat is flat-out wrong. This race would have all of the thrill and excitement of the 100-meter dash, minus all of the thrill and excitement.
7. Ride the most roller coasters at Worlds of Fun without puking
Even if you pass the first test, you still might get sick from the food. WE KID. WE KID.
8. Find a parking spot at Country Club Plaza
Honestly, this might be the most challenging one on the list. If you’re good at this, please tell us your secrets.