Football fans. They’re the originators of “Sunday Funday,” where beer, BBQ, and some dip your friend’s wife found on Pinterest are not only socially acceptable before 9 a.m., they’re your obligation as a true-blood fanatic. The anticipation of clashing giants and pigskin strategery has been motivation to rise from weekend hibernation before the sun comes for decades.
The beauty of the tailgate, though, is that there is almost no wrong way to do it. Well, unless you’re wearing a Raiders jersey. If that’s the case, you probably hate puppies too, but we’re getting off topic. Here are five of the best tailgate traditions to consider as we welcome Chiefs football back with clear eyes and full hearts.
The spread: Let’s be honest, tailgating is a party. And no party in the history of the world has ever been made worse by the addition of food. The ability — nay, the encouragement — to stuff your face freely and openly is the freedom our forefathers envisioned for us. Try everything on the table at least twice, but don’t double dip … unless no one is looking. In that case, triple dip if you have enough chip left. And make sure to contribute something. We all know that mooch who “forgot the buffalo dip in his fridge at home but will bring something awesome next time.” The worst.
The tunes: Awkward silence is gross, but nothing is worse than a bunch of people talking super loudly within different conversations. Take some time to plan this one. Basically everyone is a DJ these days, so someone definitely has a speaker system that will work. Promise that person sole rights to the music choice as a perk of bringing the jam system. One hour into the tailgate, start obnoxiously requesting music until they get annoyed and let you play whatever you want. What you do next will define you forever. Choose wisely.
The Porta Pal: When nature calls, you can’t just let it go to voicemail, you have to answer it. As good as porta potties are at being portable potties, they are even better at creating lines that, for the unprepared, will ruin your entire day. The lines are inevitable, but misery loves company. That’s why you should always drag a friend along. Whether it’s just for moral support or to ensure that someone is there to tell you when your potty dance is causing people to stare, the pros heavily outweigh the cons here.
The swag: The key here is confidence. Whether you rock a red t-shirt and jeans or paint every inch of your body into a commemorative mural of our beloved 1969 champions of the football world, it’s your swagger that makes Arrowhead the most intimidating place to play. Confidence, a deep red sea of intimidation, and sheer volume are the lifeblood of Chiefs fandom.
The social standard: Arrowhead and its surrounding parking lot are governed by strict laws of zero judgment. Social stigmas fall by the wayside and everyone becomes everyone’s best friend. Be the guy that starts the chants and then be that guy some more. We absolutely love that guy.
Extra point: Perhaps the greatest social advice we can give you is this: If you see something that looks appetizing at someone else’s tailgate, strike a conversation and subtlety bring up how good it looks. Maybe ask them how they made it. More often than not, they will extend an offer of their bounty. You are so welcome.
See you out there on Sundays, fans.